So the 4th of July in downtown Minneapolis is a crowded place. The 4th of July, shortly after the fireworks, in line at the light trail station is a crappily-crowded place.
I was there with my boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/person of interest, my parents and my barely 4-foot-tall grandma. My grandma was visiting from rural Missouri (many of you may be wondering if there is any part of Missouri that’s not rural…there is). Anyway. She’s from a super small town where people never push each other. It’s a place where people don’t budge. It’s probably a place where people voluntarily offer their positions in line to anyone behind them. But that’s beside the point.
So we made the trek from our firework viewing spot on the ground near a bike rack to the light rail station at the Metrodome, where apparently 80 percent of the people who had watched downtown’s fireworks also decided to go. We crowded together with the rest of the population and began the long wait for a train.
Then, out of nowhere, some blonde, 6-foot-tall asshole pushed my grandma out of the way to budge ahead of us and everyone else in line. I didn’t realize what had happened until the guy had already pushed his way out of sight. Otherwise I would have definitely given him a piece of my mind. In fact, I spent the rest of the evening fantasizing about how great it would have been to find the guy and tell him exactly what I thought about him. Unfortunately, we didn’t see him on our train and my dreams of bitching him out in front of my sweet little grandma, and in her honor, never materialized.
Sadly, it’s probably for the better. I couldn’t come up with a single decent insult. My initial thought was, “It’s called a line, buddy…” but I couldn’t come up with anything to follow that. And I don’t even think that line was all that strong. Every phrase that came to my head was lame, weak and only half-completed. And it’s not like I didn’t have time to contemplate what I would have said: the train ride was 40 long minutes. So what would have probably happened would have been me storming up to this guy with a lethal stare and maybe a pointed finger. Then I’d get up right in his face with my pointed finger and say something like, “You…well…you’re a…super big jerk!” And then I would have kneed him in the balls.