So the song, “Bedrock,” by, well, it’s by about 80 different people, annoys me.
Let’s start with the chorus, sung by…someone. I honestly don‘t know who it is and can‘t seem to get a straight answer when I try to Google it. I’m sure someone else knows and will tell me and make me feel bad about myself. That’s fine. I can’t feel any less cool about this than I already do. Anyway.
He exclaims, “I-I-I I can make your bed rock, girl.” This kid sounds like he could be 14. I’m sorry, but the only way you’re rocking any bed is if it’s a crib or you’re jumping on it like any other 14-year-old might do. He continues, “My room is the G-Spot, call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bed rock.” You don’t even know what the g-spot is. Well, I guess that could be said of most men, no matter their age, but that’s beside the point. This kid should be singing about history class and being on the B-squad of his junior high basketball team with Justin Bieber, not trying to make some girl’s “bed rock.” And is he even old enough to know who Fred Flintstone is?
This kid’s voice sounds very similar to The Dream, who sang a song that involved the lyrics “She rockin that thing.” This song is almost even more disturbing when you are convinced the kid singing it is only 14. The entire song documented things that a 14-year-old shouldn’t even know about. I don’t think I can bring myself to type any of the lyrics here. It was just plain bad. Anyway. Back to “Bedrock.”
Later in the song, the gang’s joined by Nicki Minaj. I have no idea who she is or what else she may have been involved with, but she also sounds like she’s 14. Where are her parents? I can’t imagine her grandparents appreciating lyrics like, “He say I’m bad, he probably right; be pressing me like buttons down on a Friday night.” Do you speak to your grandma like that? Maybe grandma and grandpa are more concerned about the cash flow coming in with Nicki’s collaboration on this than what she might be saying. Grandma needs a new pair of shoes and DSW doesn’t have a sale for weeks! There was an even worse phrase she used earlier in the song — at least I think what she meant by what she said — but I won’t use those words in my blog.
Nicki continues, “I’m so pretty like, me on my pedal bike.” Finally, here we go. Some content that is totally acceptable and innocent. Just a fun-loving girl, riding her bike in her friendly neighborhood. I’m totally fine with that. She’s 14, she should be riding on a bike. Probably has streamers coming down from the handle bars and maybe some Spokie-Dokes on the wheels. Maybe a little basket that might hold some cute and cuddly kittens or baby rabbits. What young girl shouldn’t have those things? But then it turns not so innocent with, “He say Nicki don’t stop, you the bestest, and I just be coming off the top as bestest.” I’m not even sure what all of that means. I’m pretty sure the first part is not something a 14-year-old lady of class should be doing. Unless he thinks she’s super good at her history homework. Or maybe she had brought over a cute and cuddly kitten that he wanted to give his mom for Mother‘s Day. But since there wasn’t much about showing respect to mothers or women in this song, I’m going to assume that’s not what they’re talking about. Honey, get back on your pedal bike and go home. You probably have some kind of science-related planet-making project to work on. Have dinner with your parents and grandparents. Talk to them about school. Or quitting the music industry.
Since I could only pick out random words of what they were saying and I’m not ’street’ enough to know what any of it means, I looked up the lyrics online. It seemed like the various ’contributors’ were throwing in whatever sentences might have rhymed with the sentence before it. For instance:
I’m Gudda Gudda (another talented rapper)
I put her under (sounds inappropriate)
I see me with her, no Stevie Wonder (really? Stevie Wonder? You couldn’t do better than that?)
She don’t even wonder,
because she know she bad,
and I got her ******,
‘Grocery bag’? That has to be slang for something. I don’t want to find out though, so I’m not typing it into Google. I’m assuming that if I was slightly hipper than what I am, it would make sense to me. I would understand that certain phrases were either digs at a rival “rapper” or ways of honoring others.
Either way, 14-year-old kids shouldn’t be singing that stuff, and other 14-year-old kids shouldn’t be listening to it.