Finally a Post Unrelated to Dogs

Chris Brown’s “Yeah 3x” (I’m sure that’s not how it’s supposed to be written) song sounds like the worst dating experience ever. Whenever I hear it, I start to feel sorry for the girl in the song. She’s obviously on a date with an alcoholic. Here’s what’s happening, as interpreted by me.

So this girl meets this guy, maybe at a grocery store, and he seems cute. He’s chatting her up and since she hasn’t really met anyone decent for awhile, she throws caution to the wind and decides to give him her phone number. He calls a couple days later and says that he’d love to get together. Unfortunately, he doesn’t ask her on a real date. Instead, he says she should meet him and his friends at a bar. This isn’t the way she’d like their relationship to start, but oh well, she’ll give it a try.

She walks into the club and instantly feels like this was a mistake. There are skanky girls everywhere, and the guys are all wearing their hats sideways or popping the collars on their polo shirts. She finds her new beau and stands uncomfortably with him and his friends, who are all pounding down the drinks. She’s got her arms crossed and is looking around the bar, hoping to see someone she knows who can rescue her. Our gentleman can tell she’s not having a good time.

“Girl, don’t feel outta place,” he says.

She can tell he’d been drinking since well before she arrived, so she asks him if he’s drunk.

“I’m in love with this feeling,” he tells her.

Great, he’s wasted, she’s thinking.

“I hope that this will last awhile, we should make it last awhile,” he says before heading toward the bar for another drink.

“You like to drink–so do we,” he says.

I don’t remember saying I like to drink, she thinks. She’s also wondering why he invited her to hang out with him and his friends, when it could have been just the two of them, at dinner or a movie. Her daydreaming is interrupted when Rico Suave gets to the bar.

“Get my bottles, bring ’em to me!” he yells to the bartender, his speech slurred.

Oh my God, why am I here? This is awful.

“I wanna see ya tonight,” he says, trying to be smooth while pushing her hair behind her ear, but due to his double-vision, pokes her in the eye, repeatedly.

She shudders and tries to readjust the contact in her eye that he pushed out of place.

After he takes a swig of his drink, he pulls our girl close and says, “Up in the moment, can’t believe you’re so beautiful.”

“I think you’re drunk,” she replies, gagging from the smell of alcohol on his breath.

“Feels like I’m in a dream,” he says, just before he almost falls over. His friends laugh and say to each other, “Homeboy is SO drunk right now!”

Our lady decides she’s had enough and that this relationship will never go anywhere. She tells our dreamboat that she’s leaving, and he is NOT happy about it.

“All the pretty young things at the party, let me see your hands up,” he yells at the crowd, hoping to get the attention of other women.

“And if they mad and don’t want to party,” he says as he looks back and points at our girl, “tell ’em shut the F up!” And the crowd instantly starts booing at her, banishing her from the club.

I don’t know how any part of the song sounds like an enjoyable experience for the girl. I don’t know how any part of the song makes a girl swoon for Chris Brown. If anything, it makes me think he has a drinking problem and issues in dealing with reality, which he escapes through alcohol. Swoon!



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