Draining

I haven’t felt like myself lately. The things I normally love — reading fashion magazines and websites, reading health and wellness magazines and websites, shopping, reading celebrity gossip websites, running, writing this blog — are all things I haven’t done in awhile. OK, so I have plenty of good reasons to not shop: my closet is full and I have a car payment, a mortgage and utility bills that continue to appear in my mailbox (yes, I still get them in the mail and send in my checks via the mail because I support the postal service). So we’ll say that my slow-down in shopping is actually a good thing.

But I really miss reading. I still do some reading, namely for school. The last two classes have been pretty awful subjects as far as reading entertainment (epidemiology and biostats! ick!). My current class is about management in healthcare (read: a book about management with the words “nurse” and “doctor” thrown in so it’s somehow loosely tied to my master’s program). It’s pretty common sense stuff, like “communication is important” and “being an a-hole won’t result in a positive work environment.” But I miss the reading I actually enjoyed, where I felt like I was learning something, whether it was an article on fiber-filled snack foods or a blog about how to wear stripes with floral patterns. I have a pile of books I purchased from Amazon months ago, maybe even a year ago, that I still haven’t gotten to. Or I’ve read half of the book, then had to stop because of class.

I just miss the things that I used to really look forward to. Is it that I don’t have extra time? Probably not. I mean I do have a puppy, and he feels somewhat time-consuming, but I think I would have time to read. And yeah, school takes up some time, but it’s not an overwhelming amount. I just feel off and like I don’t want to expend any energy doing anything other than the basic things: sitting on the couch, turning on the TV and the DirecTV receiver, eating a bowl of honey nut cheerios (actually toasty O’s or whatever the malt-o-meal version is).

Yeah, that’s right, I eat cereal for supper on a regular basis. Like three nights a week. And I eat it for breakfast too, every day. I am just SO lazy right now. I know that there are healthier, and probably more enjoyable things to eat than cheerios or fruit loops. But I just want to be able to make something in as short of time as possible so I don’t waste energy. When I decide I want to eat, I want to start eating in less than 3 minutes, and cereal tends to be the thing that satisfies my wishes. Sure, you’re thinking, “Lindsey, eat an apple or some other fruit, maybe a vegetable.” I know, I know, I should. But that means I probably have to do something to prepare that fruit or vegetable, like wash it, or cut it up, and that will probably involve a cutting board and a knife and more than 3 minutes.

I just feel blah.

I think it’s a combination of being slightly exhausted from my pup–he has a mild case of Giardia, which is some type of bacterial thing that he probably acquired on a walk through the goose-dropping-central streets of Bloomington. It has been a very messy, smelly, sleep-deprived week. This is the moment where I start to regret getting a dog.

Ever since getting my poop-machine of a puppy, I really haven’t been running much. Some weeks I might be able to get two jogs in, but usually it’s only one or even none. And when I do run, it is a pathetic excuse for a run compared to what I used to be able to do (I’m not pretending like I was some big-time marathon runner, but I was really happy with what I did). I’m feeling like all the things that were important to me: fashion, health/wellness, running–have been shelfed and I can’t seem to get them going again.

But my puppy isn’t solely to blame.

Anyway, I just want to apologize for not writing. This wasn’t supposed to be a pity party. More of an “explanation party.”  I’m hoping I can turn my frown upside down and begin eating actual meals for supper again.

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